Breaking up is difficult, Moving on can be easier than you think

Every once in a while, I am approached to give life coaching tips to a certain segment of people struggling with emotional issues which hinder them from moving on in life. A leading female magazine was asking me a series of questions from a group of ladies around 20-plus of age. It will be out in Nov issue but below is my actual transcript.

  1. There is no hard and fast rule to how long it takes to move on. But are there ways to tell if you’re truly ready to?
  2. How would you advice girls to build up on their emotional resilience? Are there any tips on how girls can reflect on their relationship to help them? How can they tell if they’re dwelling on the past instead of reflecting?
  3. Many people often advise these girls to go out and do something different, something that’s not part of their usual routine. For example, going to new places or meeting new people. How effective is this advice is helping her move on? What are some things you would recommend she could do to get out of her routine?
  4. What are some ways that girls can build up their confidence again to prepare themselves for dating? Dating sites often recommend that she do something for herself, like learning a new skill or hobby. What do you think?
  5. Two common mistakes girls seem to make is to dwell too long on the past or jumping back into the dating scene too fast. How do you advice girls handle their breakups in a healthy way?
  6. Any other tips on how girls can prepare themselves to get back into the dating scene?

1. When are you truly ready?
- when you can talk about the previous relationship with feeling emotional and crying.
- when you are fullt aware of the lessons drawn from the last relationship and be able to advise others to avoid similar pitfalls if any.
- when you can see the person again and wont feel the hurt anymore on other occassion.

2. How would you advice girls to build up on their emotional resilience? Being emotional is part and parcel of being a woman, there is no way to be resilent without the danger of being emotionally shut-down. Rather, re-visit some of your criteria for a life partner. This list should be adjusted as you grow older. Realise that life is a lot more complicated than what the movies portray. Learn to make more guy friends who are buddies to get into the minds of men on how to manage them better.

3. What are some things you would recommend she could do to get out of her routine? For those who are very much into their comfort zones, there are equally good opportunity too. If you are more of a online person, try participating in friendly discussion of your friends’ wall on Facebook and get to know new people. Whenever there is a house warming, a BBQ invite, a cocktail party by a client, etc, just go and attend. You do not need to look out for such events actively but learn to make yourself available and be present. You wont know what are you going to meet next.

4. What are some ways that girls can build up their confidence again to prepare themselves for dating? Dating sites are not recommended at all. There is no mutual friends, you only depend on one dimension of sensory experience from the communication – texts. While it is true that online dating has its own charm of mystery, people are usually very opposite in real life…if they have a life at all to begin with. If you like mystery and enjoy playing a game with destiny, do something really creatively and design social contact cards and drop them in between pages of books in bookstore, or on tables of cafes. The next person who pick them up may be the one you have been waiting for.

Learn a new skill only if you really want to. However, do not start a relationship with anyone just based on the same interest. Having the same interest may be the only common thing you share.

Invest more time in improving your art of communications, pick up skills in personality profiling. All these help you to understand and assess character of the guys you are seeing.

5. How do you advice girls handle their breakups in a healthy way? Breaking up is never easy. If you are on the receiving end of breaking, the guy will usually not want to do this face to face. It is naturally for ladies to seek a reason for the break up and demand a good closure. However, in life, sometimes you do not really have closeure for everything. Learn to move on and always be positive. Tell yourself you are never too old or too bad to look for love, as long as you feel there is someone out there, just continue seaching and be pro active about it. The other party may also be actuvely searching for you.

Even if you are cheated, tell yourself if there are counterfeit gentlemen around, there must also be real ones. You never find a fake $3 bill because there isnt real ones in the first place.

Lastly do not compare your story with others, everyone’s life is differently. We are all hurt emotionally one time or the other. We can never measure who suffer most and why we suffer, the answer to life success lies in How do you bounce back from deafeat. Remember : There is no such thing as failure in life, only feedback!

6. Any other tips on how girls can prepare themselves to get back into the dating scene?

O.P.E.R.A – tips on how girls can prepare themselves to get back into the dating scene?

a. Be Open. Go and meet new people. Casual dating is just a quality time of knowing a person in detail. No committment at this stage whatsoever.

b. Be Passionate….about Life! Do not be a negative person. People you get in touch with often will move away from you as they often feel dragged down by someone who is constantly negative. A negative person is NEVER an attractive person.

c. Be Engaging. Learn to make time for social activities. You cannot afford to let things unfold on its own. If you can spare time for gym, spa, manicure, etc, you surely can make time to drop by some social singles parties.

d. Be Ready. Learn to read more books on relationship and also from other gender. Do not keep going back to other girlfriends for advice. Most of the time they end up telling you things you already know as a lady.

e. Be Authentic. You may not be the prettiest, but be true to yourself. Learn to communicate your essence and be confident, not proud. Someone will notice you. Life is like a jig saw puzzle, the missing piece is exclusive :)

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Friends with Benefits (There are rules to follow)

 

 

On 17 August, 10am, I was invited to a Industry Sneak Preview of “Friends with Benefits”, to prepare ourselves for the Movie Launch on 27 Sep with Vanessa Tan. Sony Pictures has creatively come up with “rules of engagement” for Friends with Benefits (FWB)

* These are just-for-laughs and do not represent my personal view or opinion.

FWB RULES

Friends with benefits relationships are a fun, simple way to fill that biological urge to get down and get nasty. Here are six simple rules essential to maintaining a healthy FWB relationship:

1)      IT’S JUST SEX. An FWB relationship begins with friendship and ends with both of you naked and sexually fulfilled.

2)      NO EMOTIONS. Keep it simple. Your FWB isn’t your shoulder to cry on. In fact the only way they can support you is if you’re trying that new sexual position you read about.

3)      NO NEED FOR INSECURITY. You don’t have to feel anxious around your FWB. They’re already your friend and they’re already into you enough to want to bonk your brains out.

4)      COMMUNICATE. Because you’re not worrying so much about their feelings, feel free to tell them if there’s something they could do better in the bedroom. That’s really the only way they can scratch that insatiable itch of yours.

5)      COMPARTEMENTALIZE. Remember: your FWB plays a very specific role in your life, one that doesn’t need to be introduced to your other friends or – eeek! – your parents.

6)      FEAR THE CUDDLE. You can bask in a post-coital glow but neither of you should be down to cuddle.

Follow these rules and we guarantee* that you’re bound to have a fun, sexually fulfilling and drama free FWB relationship. Be careful though, FWB relationships always have the potential to become full blown romantic liaisons. Keep up your guard, have good sex and remember not to cuddle!

*Not real guarantee.

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What do dating and job interviews have in common?

CareerClicks! Seminar Series 3 presents…

What Do Dating & Job Interviews Have In Common?

Speaker : Andrew Chow

Date : 28 July 2011 (Thu),  Time : 11.30am -1.00pm

Venue : Centre for Management Development, ST Electronics (e-services) Pte Ltd

Address : 11 Tampines Concourse #01-01 S528729 (Gerbera Room)

Call 6876 5645 to register for the seminar

*Seats are on a first come first basis.

 

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16 great jokes about marriage

Marriage Jokes

When i was organising many singles party, the conversation among people who meet for the first time usually centered around challenges of relationship.  Here are some of the popular one-liner which can break ice easily.

1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence…(a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind  Therefore  marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his  Bachelor’s Degrees and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three ring circus:  engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?

Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

8. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in China , a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.

Father:  That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

9. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

10. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage…it is self defense.

11. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

12. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America , the rest cheat in Europe.

13. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

14. Before marriage, a man ‘yearns’ for the woman he loves. After the marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.

15. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

16. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure for one thing…either the car is new or the wife is.:)

 

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Intimate Conversation on Relationship on “Between Us” – late night talk show on Radio 938live

Andrew with Michelle, host and presenter from 938live

on 23 May, I had a surprise call from Michelle Martin, the presenter and host of Late Night Talk Show – “Between Us” every Monday from 10-11pm.

This intimate conversational late-night talk show will address a wide range of everyday relationships. Highly interactive, listeners will be able to share their own stories, connect on Facebook, or email the show’s Secret Mailbag.

I was on air to discuss the following:

  • Problem of today’s dating: We look for personality traits when instead we should be looking for character. The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with good character, ,not simply good personality.
  • Points of Discussion:

1. What’s the difference between character and personality?
2. What are the areas of personal growth?
3. How do I know if my partner is emotionally open?
4. Is integrity just confined to doing what’s right & proper?
5. How do I know if my partner is mature and responsibility? Any signs?
6. What are the evidence of good self esteem?

Michelle invited me for another week or two from 30 May and 6 Jun.

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Give some Thought to your Buzz, ThoughtBuzz will help you make sense of the Buzz on Social Media – Andrew Chow

 

Social Media Monitoring of your Brand

Frequently, in my social media corporate training, I emphasize the point that social media monitoring and feedback is the only function with social media strategy a company should outsource. This is to maintain objectivity and helps to broaden our scope of living in our own box and failing to observe the world around us.

Companies should engage specialists with advanced monitoring tools and targeted reporting. One such tool in the market is ThoughtBuzzwww.thoughtbuzz.net which may be your answer.

  • Be Informed – ThoughtBuzz helps determine what’s important, and what’s not. It has  analytical and segmentation capabilities so you only pick up what’s relevant to you and your business.
  • Be Empowered – With ThoughtBuzz, you can make timely, informed strategic decisions to win in the marketplace and know what customers think about your brand, and your competitor’s.
  • Be Engaged – With ThoughtBuzz, B2C Companies can actively dialogue with consumers, discussing their brand and effectively manage their online reputation.

ThoughtBuzz: Making sense of the Buzz

ThoughtBuzz enables you to cut through all the unnecessary chatter and get right to the heart of the matter – providing you with information that is specific and relevant to you and your brand. This easy-to-use web-based tool enables you to automatically sift through all the chatter that accumulates on social networking services – disregarding those that have no value, while providing you with the sentiment of each comment made, together with a detailed analysis of where most of your ‘buzz’ originated from, in terms of tweets, facebook posts, blogs etc.

The reason for such detailed reporting? ThoughtBuzz understands the power of social media and the effect, both positive and negative, that it has on a brand. Social Media is quite literally the voice of the masses and ignoring these voices can only result in a public relations disaster.

In short, eventually, ThoughtBuzz helps to shape your Business into a Brand which creates the right Buzz

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Google In-Page Analytics is really cool! – www.beulah.sg

Site : http://www.beulah.sg

Synopsis : A Christian portal primarily for singles for all Bible-Believing Churches in Singapore/Malaysia to network, meet up and build long term meaningful relationship. Christian and Catholics are welcome. BEULAH means “Promised Land” or “Married” in Hebrew (Isaiah 62:4). BEULAH is an independent portal not affiliated to any church or supported by any Charity, Christian organization, or offerings from any of its members.

Geography : Singapore

Members : 1711

WHAT IT IS


In-Page Analytics is a report available from the Content section of your Google Analytics reports. It enables you to visually analyze your website pages in order to assess how users interact with those pages, and helps you understand the answers to questions such as:

  • Is my page layout optimal for what I want users to accomplish on the page?
  • Are my users seeing the content I want them to see?
  • Are my users finding what they’re looking for on the page?
  • Are my calls to action motivating or visible enough?
  • Which links are users clicking?

Beginning with your site’s homepage, you see which links users clicked. You can navigate In-Page Analytics the way you navigate your site: click any link on your homepage, and once the new page is loaded, the corresponding data are shown for that page.

Additional benefits of this report include:

  • Support for image maps, so you can create a separate tag for each linkable part within a single image
  • Support for advanced segments
  • Availability of page-level information
  • Complete list of incoming and outgoing links

 

HOW TO USE IT


There’s no installation involved. You access the report from the list in the Content section, or by opening the Content Overview report, then clicking the In-Page Analytics link. Your homepage displays automatically.

Here are the main components of the report:

BUBBLES: These indicate the links users clicked, with the numbers inside representing the percentage of clicks on the links. The solid line border indicates that the link leads to the destination page. The dotted-line border* indicates that more than one link leads to the same destination page (for example, if you have links to your home page in both the header and the footer). When you hover over any of the bubbles that contain a numerical figure, the percentage of clicks and any goal values (values you assigned to your goal) are displayed.

* Note: Links indicated by a dotted-line bubble that lead to the same destination URL all appear to have the same data. You can, however, hover over links and get additional information. This is especially useful when viewing multiple segments, as the detail panels show percentages for all segments right next to each other for easy comparison.

CONTENT DETAILS: This section, as well as Inbound Sources and Outbound Destinations, provides more insight into specific metrics. As with other reports, you can apply advanced segments. Simply use the Advanced Segments menu at the top of the report.

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Timeless Message for Timeless Campaign – "This is an introduction, the rest is up to you"


About 20 years ago, the Social Development Unit (SDU) of Singapore (now, Social Development Network) encouraged singles to enlarge their social circles by being open to introduction through friends and colleagues.

SDU started organising events since 1984, use internet for online dating shortly after 1995, created campaigns like Romancing Singapore in 2003 and passed onto public sector in 2005. In 2008, they they leave the job as event organiser to the private sector and changes their role to a mere regulatory body. Till date they have accredited more than 10 dating agencies.

The message of this campaign is still relevant today. The problem may be more complicated but the solution can still be simple. All it takes is a change of mindset and willing to step out of comfort zone to brush aside social stigma.

Truly, a timeless message for a time campaign!

How many of you remember these TV ads?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-vlt99907k&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijrTIGvOvW8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]
 

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What do Men really want?

There are so much talks about what Women Really Want but few discussion on what we men really want.

Perhaps women think men are simpler and want the obvious. Over the years, I find my own kind increasingly complicated to the point of confusion and exasperation by women.

In a any dating or romantic relationship, it is always a story of 2 equals. Knowing what to expect can ease a lot of pain. There has been so much discussion and content about understanding women, it’s time for women to understand men.

Let’s put on the gender issue; sit back and relax, view this presentation below on slideshare which I had prepared.

Men, let me know if I speak for all of you.

Women, let me know if this works for you.

[slideshare id=6930924&doc=whatdomenreallywant-110215042720-phpapp02]

1. Beauty

  • Women do not have to be a Beauty Queen.
  • Beauty isn’t about being physically perfect
  • It’s about feeling beautiful inside and radiating your femininity outwards
  • Once you realize your inner beauty, you will  begin to take care of your appearance.
  • Your confidence will be seen through
  • Your Posture, Style, Voice & Walk

2. Sensuality

  • Ladies, don’t get the wrong idea!
  • It’s not about having many partners
  • Being sensually open and adventurous with someone you truly care will make him crave for you even more.
  • Be aware and comfortable with your sensuality, it is essentially being at ease with your own body

3. Fun!

  • Who wants to be with someone dull?
  • Worse still, who wants to be labeled as “boring”?
  • Make it a point to be OPEN to NEW THINGS
  • Be Daring!
  • Be Adventurous!
  • Be Spontaneous!
  • Be Flexible! He LOVES it!

4. Caring

  • There is a difference between being Caring & Being a Mother!
  • Being Caring is to be Nurturing, Compassionate & Gentle
  • Men respond well to these attributes !
  • Be mindful and add these “Woman Touches”

5. Youthfulness

  • The Secret to Life is not about Being Young but being Young at Heart!
  • Be Child-like, not Childish!
  • Develop the Spirit of Bringing a Tease
  • Most of the time, Men like to be around with someone who’s is playful and light-hearted
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10 Ways To Know That You Love Someone.

10 Ways To Know That You Love Someone.

1: You talk with him/her late at night and still think of him/her when you go to bed.

2: You walk really slow when you are with him/her.

3: You don’t feel ok when he/she is far away.

4: You smile when you hear his/her voice.

6: He/she is everything to what you think.

7: You smile every time you look at him/her.

8: There’s a person in your mind while you’ve been reading this.

9: You’ve been so busy thinking of that person you didn’t notice that the no. 5 is missing.

10: You are checking if that’s true and you are silently laughing to yourself.

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