Breaking up is difficult, Moving on can be easier than you think

Every once in a while, I am approached to give life coaching tips to a certain segment of people struggling with emotional issues which hinder them from moving on in life. A leading female magazine was asking me a series of questions from a group of ladies around 20-plus of age. It will be out in Nov issue but below is my actual transcript.

  1. There is no hard and fast rule to how long it takes to move on. But are there ways to tell if you’re truly ready to?
  2. How would you advice girls to build up on their emotional resilience? Are there any tips on how girls can reflect on their relationship to help them? How can they tell if they’re dwelling on the past instead of reflecting?
  3. Many people often advise these girls to go out and do something different, something that’s not part of their usual routine. For example, going to new places or meeting new people. How effective is this advice is helping her move on? What are some things you would recommend she could do to get out of her routine?
  4. What are some ways that girls can build up their confidence again to prepare themselves for dating? Dating sites often recommend that she do something for herself, like learning a new skill or hobby. What do you think?
  5. Two common mistakes girls seem to make is to dwell too long on the past or jumping back into the dating scene too fast. How do you advice girls handle their breakups in a healthy way?
  6. Any other tips on how girls can prepare themselves to get back into the dating scene?

1. When are you truly ready?
- when you can talk about the previous relationship with feeling emotional and crying.
- when you are fullt aware of the lessons drawn from the last relationship and be able to advise others to avoid similar pitfalls if any.
- when you can see the person again and wont feel the hurt anymore on other occassion.

2. How would you advice girls to build up on their emotional resilience? Being emotional is part and parcel of being a woman, there is no way to be resilent without the danger of being emotionally shut-down. Rather, re-visit some of your criteria for a life partner. This list should be adjusted as you grow older. Realise that life is a lot more complicated than what the movies portray. Learn to make more guy friends who are buddies to get into the minds of men on how to manage them better.

3. What are some things you would recommend she could do to get out of her routine? For those who are very much into their comfort zones, there are equally good opportunity too. If you are more of a online person, try participating in friendly discussion of your friends’ wall on Facebook and get to know new people. Whenever there is a house warming, a BBQ invite, a cocktail party by a client, etc, just go and attend. You do not need to look out for such events actively but learn to make yourself available and be present. You wont know what are you going to meet next.

4. What are some ways that girls can build up their confidence again to prepare themselves for dating? Dating sites are not recommended at all. There is no mutual friends, you only depend on one dimension of sensory experience from the communication – texts. While it is true that online dating has its own charm of mystery, people are usually very opposite in real life…if they have a life at all to begin with. If you like mystery and enjoy playing a game with destiny, do something really creatively and design social contact cards and drop them in between pages of books in bookstore, or on tables of cafes. The next person who pick them up may be the one you have been waiting for.

Learn a new skill only if you really want to. However, do not start a relationship with anyone just based on the same interest. Having the same interest may be the only common thing you share.

Invest more time in improving your art of communications, pick up skills in personality profiling. All these help you to understand and assess character of the guys you are seeing.

5. How do you advice girls handle their breakups in a healthy way? Breaking up is never easy. If you are on the receiving end of breaking, the guy will usually not want to do this face to face. It is naturally for ladies to seek a reason for the break up and demand a good closure. However, in life, sometimes you do not really have closeure for everything. Learn to move on and always be positive. Tell yourself you are never too old or too bad to look for love, as long as you feel there is someone out there, just continue seaching and be pro active about it. The other party may also be actuvely searching for you.

Even if you are cheated, tell yourself if there are counterfeit gentlemen around, there must also be real ones. You never find a fake $3 bill because there isnt real ones in the first place.

Lastly do not compare your story with others, everyone’s life is differently. We are all hurt emotionally one time or the other. We can never measure who suffer most and why we suffer, the answer to life success lies in How do you bounce back from deafeat. Remember : There is no such thing as failure in life, only feedback!

6. Any other tips on how girls can prepare themselves to get back into the dating scene?

O.P.E.R.A – tips on how girls can prepare themselves to get back into the dating scene?

a. Be Open. Go and meet new people. Casual dating is just a quality time of knowing a person in detail. No committment at this stage whatsoever.

b. Be Passionate….about Life! Do not be a negative person. People you get in touch with often will move away from you as they often feel dragged down by someone who is constantly negative. A negative person is NEVER an attractive person.

c. Be Engaging. Learn to make time for social activities. You cannot afford to let things unfold on its own. If you can spare time for gym, spa, manicure, etc, you surely can make time to drop by some social singles parties.

d. Be Ready. Learn to read more books on relationship and also from other gender. Do not keep going back to other girlfriends for advice. Most of the time they end up telling you things you already know as a lady.

e. Be Authentic. You may not be the prettiest, but be true to yourself. Learn to communicate your essence and be confident, not proud. Someone will notice you. Life is like a jig saw puzzle, the missing piece is exclusive :)

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Friends with Benefits (There are rules to follow)

 

 

On 17 August, 10am, I was invited to a Industry Sneak Preview of “Friends with Benefits”, to prepare ourselves for the Movie Launch on 27 Sep with Vanessa Tan. Sony Pictures has creatively come up with “rules of engagement” for Friends with Benefits (FWB)

* These are just-for-laughs and do not represent my personal view or opinion.

FWB RULES

Friends with benefits relationships are a fun, simple way to fill that biological urge to get down and get nasty. Here are six simple rules essential to maintaining a healthy FWB relationship:

1)      IT’S JUST SEX. An FWB relationship begins with friendship and ends with both of you naked and sexually fulfilled.

2)      NO EMOTIONS. Keep it simple. Your FWB isn’t your shoulder to cry on. In fact the only way they can support you is if you’re trying that new sexual position you read about.

3)      NO NEED FOR INSECURITY. You don’t have to feel anxious around your FWB. They’re already your friend and they’re already into you enough to want to bonk your brains out.

4)      COMMUNICATE. Because you’re not worrying so much about their feelings, feel free to tell them if there’s something they could do better in the bedroom. That’s really the only way they can scratch that insatiable itch of yours.

5)      COMPARTEMENTALIZE. Remember: your FWB plays a very specific role in your life, one that doesn’t need to be introduced to your other friends or – eeek! – your parents.

6)      FEAR THE CUDDLE. You can bask in a post-coital glow but neither of you should be down to cuddle.

Follow these rules and we guarantee* that you’re bound to have a fun, sexually fulfilling and drama free FWB relationship. Be careful though, FWB relationships always have the potential to become full blown romantic liaisons. Keep up your guard, have good sex and remember not to cuddle!

*Not real guarantee.

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16 great jokes about marriage

Marriage Jokes

When i was organising many singles party, the conversation among people who meet for the first time usually centered around challenges of relationship.  Here are some of the popular one-liner which can break ice easily.

1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence…(a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind  Therefore  marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his  Bachelor’s Degrees and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three ring circus:  engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?

Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

8. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in China , a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.

Father:  That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

9. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

10. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage…it is self defense.

11. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

12. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America , the rest cheat in Europe.

13. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

14. Before marriage, a man ‘yearns’ for the woman he loves. After the marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.

15. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

16. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure for one thing…either the car is new or the wife is.:)

 

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Intimate Conversation on Relationship on “Between Us” – late night talk show on Radio 938live

Andrew with Michelle, host and presenter from 938live

on 23 May, I had a surprise call from Michelle Martin, the presenter and host of Late Night Talk Show – “Between Us” every Monday from 10-11pm.

This intimate conversational late-night talk show will address a wide range of everyday relationships. Highly interactive, listeners will be able to share their own stories, connect on Facebook, or email the show’s Secret Mailbag.

I was on air to discuss the following:

  • Problem of today’s dating: We look for personality traits when instead we should be looking for character. The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with good character, ,not simply good personality.
  • Points of Discussion:

1. What’s the difference between character and personality?
2. What are the areas of personal growth?
3. How do I know if my partner is emotionally open?
4. Is integrity just confined to doing what’s right & proper?
5. How do I know if my partner is mature and responsibility? Any signs?
6. What are the evidence of good self esteem?

Michelle invited me for another week or two from 30 May and 6 Jun.

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10 Ways To Know That You Love Someone.

10 Ways To Know That You Love Someone.

1: You talk with him/her late at night and still think of him/her when you go to bed.

2: You walk really slow when you are with him/her.

3: You don’t feel ok when he/she is far away.

4: You smile when you hear his/her voice.

6: He/she is everything to what you think.

7: You smile every time you look at him/her.

8: There’s a person in your mind while you’ve been reading this.

9: You’ve been so busy thinking of that person you didn’t notice that the no. 5 is missing.

10: You are checking if that’s true and you are silently laughing to yourself.

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Art of Life : There is no such thing as a non-wine drinker

A wise client of mine dealing with wine distribution once said “There is no such thing as a non-wine drinker, he just has not found a wine he likes … yet”.

In one of my interviews with a magazine 4 years ago about people finding love and destiny late in their life, i said “There is no such thing as anyone being too old to look for love, if you think there is someone out there for you, you must always keep seeking”

Indeed,  nothing is absolute. It’s not over until it’s over.

Never say “never” to yourself and others.

Do not always say “Always”

Be open, try a new approach, meet new people  and you discover life a lot more

When was the last time you did some cool stuff for the very first time and you absolutely love it?

What kind of wine is your life?

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Dating Tips for Busy Professionals in 2011 – by Relationship Coach Andrew Chow on RazorTV

On Christmas eve, I was approached by a good friend in the media – Shi Ting from RazorTV to contribute 4 simple dating tips to busy professionals for a more colourful social life in 2011.

The tips were given in less than 5 minutes over phone but the RazorTV team did an excellent job in translating them into a creative episode. Check out the video (Dating Tips for Busy Professionals in 2011) by clicking onto the picture.

The dating tips or resolutions for singles in 2011 are :

1. Devote at least 10% of your time socializing or meeting new people

2. Invent a new look for 2011 : Try something new

3. Revisit your criteria for a life partner : Choose character over personality

4. Be the Right Person : Do not just look for the right one.

The other episodes of the series of professionals who find it hard to find a date include:

1. Young, Talented and Dateless (Magicians & Performing Artists)

2. Nearly 30 and Never Been Kissed (Journalists)

3. Too Busy for a Boyfriend (Public Relations Practitioners)

4. Married to your job (Designers)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Alo3CRjdFxc&fs=1&hl=en_US]
 

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Door of Happiness

Door of Happiness, originally uploaded by ideasandrew.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us” – Helen Keller

How true this is. Many people we know are so affected by things that happened to them years ago, that they refuse to accept anything new and good for them.

Usually, by the time they get their act together, time is no longer on their side. Life isn’t just about time management, it is also about time consciousness.

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