16 great jokes about marriage

Marriage Jokes

When i was organising many singles party, the conversation among people who meet for the first time usually centered around challenges of relationship.  Here are some of the popular one-liner which can break ice easily.

1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence…(a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind  Therefore  marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his  Bachelor’s Degrees and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three ring circus:  engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?

Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

8. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in China , a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.

Father:  That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

9. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

10. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage…it is self defense.

11. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

12. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America , the rest cheat in Europe.

13. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

14. Before marriage, a man ‘yearns’ for the woman he loves. After the marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.

15. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

16. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure for one thing…either the car is new or the wife is.:)

 

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

Intimate Conversation on Relationship on “Between Us” – late night talk show on Radio 938live

Andrew with Michelle, host and presenter from 938live

on 23 May, I had a surprise call from Michelle Martin, the presenter and host of Late Night Talk Show – “Between Us” every Monday from 10-11pm.

This intimate conversational late-night talk show will address a wide range of everyday relationships. Highly interactive, listeners will be able to share their own stories, connect on Facebook, or email the show’s Secret Mailbag.

I was on air to discuss the following:

  • Problem of today’s dating: We look for personality traits when instead we should be looking for character. The key to choosing the right partner is to look for a person with good character, ,not simply good personality.
  • Points of Discussion:

1. What’s the difference between character and personality?
2. What are the areas of personal growth?
3. How do I know if my partner is emotionally open?
4. Is integrity just confined to doing what’s right & proper?
5. How do I know if my partner is mature and responsibility? Any signs?
6. What are the evidence of good self esteem?

Michelle invited me for another week or two from 30 May and 6 Jun.

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

Google In-Page Analytics is really cool! – www.beulah.sg

Site : http://www.beulah.sg

Synopsis : A Christian portal primarily for singles for all Bible-Believing Churches in Singapore/Malaysia to network, meet up and build long term meaningful relationship. Christian and Catholics are welcome. BEULAH means “Promised Land” or “Married” in Hebrew (Isaiah 62:4). BEULAH is an independent portal not affiliated to any church or supported by any Charity, Christian organization, or offerings from any of its members.

Geography : Singapore

Members : 1711

WHAT IT IS


In-Page Analytics is a report available from the Content section of your Google Analytics reports. It enables you to visually analyze your website pages in order to assess how users interact with those pages, and helps you understand the answers to questions such as:

  • Is my page layout optimal for what I want users to accomplish on the page?
  • Are my users seeing the content I want them to see?
  • Are my users finding what they’re looking for on the page?
  • Are my calls to action motivating or visible enough?
  • Which links are users clicking?

Beginning with your site’s homepage, you see which links users clicked. You can navigate In-Page Analytics the way you navigate your site: click any link on your homepage, and once the new page is loaded, the corresponding data are shown for that page.

Additional benefits of this report include:

  • Support for image maps, so you can create a separate tag for each linkable part within a single image
  • Support for advanced segments
  • Availability of page-level information
  • Complete list of incoming and outgoing links

 

HOW TO USE IT


There’s no installation involved. You access the report from the list in the Content section, or by opening the Content Overview report, then clicking the In-Page Analytics link. Your homepage displays automatically.

Here are the main components of the report:

BUBBLES: These indicate the links users clicked, with the numbers inside representing the percentage of clicks on the links. The solid line border indicates that the link leads to the destination page. The dotted-line border* indicates that more than one link leads to the same destination page (for example, if you have links to your home page in both the header and the footer). When you hover over any of the bubbles that contain a numerical figure, the percentage of clicks and any goal values (values you assigned to your goal) are displayed.

* Note: Links indicated by a dotted-line bubble that lead to the same destination URL all appear to have the same data. You can, however, hover over links and get additional information. This is especially useful when viewing multiple segments, as the detail panels show percentages for all segments right next to each other for easy comparison.

CONTENT DETAILS: This section, as well as Inbound Sources and Outbound Destinations, provides more insight into specific metrics. As with other reports, you can apply advanced segments. Simply use the Advanced Segments menu at the top of the report.

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

What do Men really want?

There are so much talks about what Women Really Want but few discussion on what we men really want.

Perhaps women think men are simpler and want the obvious. Over the years, I find my own kind increasingly complicated to the point of confusion and exasperation by women.

In a any dating or romantic relationship, it is always a story of 2 equals. Knowing what to expect can ease a lot of pain. There has been so much discussion and content about understanding women, it’s time for women to understand men.

Let’s put on the gender issue; sit back and relax, view this presentation below on slideshare which I had prepared.

Men, let me know if I speak for all of you.

Women, let me know if this works for you.

[slideshare id=6930924&doc=whatdomenreallywant-110215042720-phpapp02]

1. Beauty

  • Women do not have to be a Beauty Queen.
  • Beauty isn’t about being physically perfect
  • It’s about feeling beautiful inside and radiating your femininity outwards
  • Once you realize your inner beauty, you will  begin to take care of your appearance.
  • Your confidence will be seen through
  • Your Posture, Style, Voice & Walk

2. Sensuality

  • Ladies, don’t get the wrong idea!
  • It’s not about having many partners
  • Being sensually open and adventurous with someone you truly care will make him crave for you even more.
  • Be aware and comfortable with your sensuality, it is essentially being at ease with your own body

3. Fun!

  • Who wants to be with someone dull?
  • Worse still, who wants to be labeled as “boring”?
  • Make it a point to be OPEN to NEW THINGS
  • Be Daring!
  • Be Adventurous!
  • Be Spontaneous!
  • Be Flexible! He LOVES it!

4. Caring

  • There is a difference between being Caring & Being a Mother!
  • Being Caring is to be Nurturing, Compassionate & Gentle
  • Men respond well to these attributes !
  • Be mindful and add these “Woman Touches”

5. Youthfulness

  • The Secret to Life is not about Being Young but being Young at Heart!
  • Be Child-like, not Childish!
  • Develop the Spirit of Bringing a Tease
  • Most of the time, Men like to be around with someone who’s is playful and light-hearted
Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

10 Ways To Know That You Love Someone.

10 Ways To Know That You Love Someone.

1: You talk with him/her late at night and still think of him/her when you go to bed.

2: You walk really slow when you are with him/her.

3: You don’t feel ok when he/she is far away.

4: You smile when you hear his/her voice.

6: He/she is everything to what you think.

7: You smile every time you look at him/her.

8: There’s a person in your mind while you’ve been reading this.

9: You’ve been so busy thinking of that person you didn’t notice that the no. 5 is missing.

10: You are checking if that’s true and you are silently laughing to yourself.

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

Busy Professionals … "Dateless" Jobs

Recently I was interviewed by RazorTV to give dating tips to busy professionals which are in jobs which makes them almost “dateless”

Performing Artists – Magicians, Entertainers, etc

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bkjxf62rQqE&fs=1&hl=en_US]

Journalists, Reporters, Media Producers, etc

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1P79q8LTHo&fs=1&hl=en_US]

Advertising & Public Relations Professionals

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJejylHZv4s&fs=1&hl=en_US]

Creative Directors, Designer, Artists

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5uZQGrh7zw&fs=1&hl=en_US]

Relationship Coach Andrew Chow has the following tips for them

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Alo3CRjdFxc&fs=1&hl=en_US]

The story is also followed up on Asiaone.com on 29 Dec

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

Dating Tips for Busy Professionals in 2011 – by Relationship Coach Andrew Chow on RazorTV

On Christmas eve, I was approached by a good friend in the media – Shi Ting from RazorTV to contribute 4 simple dating tips to busy professionals for a more colourful social life in 2011.

The tips were given in less than 5 minutes over phone but the RazorTV team did an excellent job in translating them into a creative episode. Check out the video (Dating Tips for Busy Professionals in 2011) by clicking onto the picture.

The dating tips or resolutions for singles in 2011 are :

1. Devote at least 10% of your time socializing or meeting new people

2. Invent a new look for 2011 : Try something new

3. Revisit your criteria for a life partner : Choose character over personality

4. Be the Right Person : Do not just look for the right one.

The other episodes of the series of professionals who find it hard to find a date include:

1. Young, Talented and Dateless (Magicians & Performing Artists)

2. Nearly 30 and Never Been Kissed (Journalists)

3. Too Busy for a Boyfriend (Public Relations Practitioners)

4. Married to your job (Designers)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Alo3CRjdFxc&fs=1&hl=en_US]
 

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

The most special cruise trip – Singles Cruise Asia (6-10 Dec, 2010)

Though I have done 4 singles cruise in Singapore – dating@sea from 2007-2009, the wonderful experience from this 1st ever Singles Cruise Asia is unlike any other.

I was first approached by Timothy Low and wife Tamie from Malaysia to be co-marketing partners in Singapore. The original idea was to gather singles from Malaysia and Singapore.

We had tremendous media support and coverage – http://www.singlescruiseasia.com/video-gallery/

Our itinerary for 5D/4N can be found – http://www.singlescruiseasia.com/itinerary/

Over 5 days, we had 10 programs from 4 Guru: Heiko and Selina (Relationship and Release Coaches), Murshidah Said (Image Coach & Consultant) and myself Andrew Chow (Dating Coach)

This is the 1st cruise for singles I see everyone has a camera, very eager to take pictures alone or in groups. All of them dress for the occasion for different theme of Gala Dinner for every night. We took part 100% in all program and very proactive in discussion until 1.30am in the morning. The chemistry and bonding was fantastic. The sharing and gift exchange on the very last night was a touching moment. Tears were shed, hugs were everywhere, gifts were lovingly exchanged. I am sure the Gurus ourselves find this very fulfilling, a sense of achievement and satisfaction that money cannot buy. Everyone isn’t shy about sharing. There is no taboo or stigma, just meaningful friendship forged for a long time to come. This is something I have NEVER see in the past cruises which I did before. Perhaps I was only concerned about the events management rather than the fulfillment of the guests on board. It gave me a new perspective and mission in my future approach for giving opportunities for singles’ interaction.

I have made 4 videos for the 4 days of our wonderful experience and hope you will be inspired to join us in 2011, we will always organise weekend trips to exotic places in Thailand and Malaysia for those who are not really into cruise holidays.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dxqLvvjTKA&fs=1&hl=en_US]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Jsy_tFeaRo&fs=1&hl=en_US]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=424op53iXU4&fs=1&hl=en_US]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQJZgYCfJkA&fs=1&hl=en_US]

My workshop presentation can be found here :

7 Qualities to look for in a Life Partner

[slideshare id=3632796&doc=7qualitiestolookfor-100404065441-phpapp01]

8 Types of Relationship which wont work
[slideshare id=2972701&doc=8typesofrelationshipswhichwontwork-100122092403-phpapp01]

5 Compatibility Time-Bomb
[slideshare id=4597895&doc=5relationshipcompatibilitytimebombs-100623231845-phpapp01]

Lastly, for those of you who wish to know how to organise your own speed dating event, check out this video of mine,

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdngutnYjcY&fs=1&hl=en_US]

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

10 Essential Communication Skills for Couples in Exclusive Dating

1. Do not always say “Always!” and never say “Never!”. eg. You’re always on the phone when I call you. You never care about me! (not even once?)

2. Never bring up the past….especially when you are having a major disagreement. It shows you truly have forgiven

3. Resist temptation to have the last word in a “quarrel”. Myth – whoever said the last sentence in a quarrel seems to be the winner. Fact – whoever said the last sentence may hurt the most

4. Learn to give feedback creatively. Use the sandwich principle “Good / Bad / Good”. Scenario – A girl asking her boyfriend about her new dress, which he didn’t really like. Instead of just saying “this dress makes you look so fat, try “Honey, you look great in almost any dress, however, this one just didn’t accentuate your figure, by the way I really like the black one you wore last week”

5. Be careful when saying “But”. We tend to block out whatever good things we heard before the word “But” and only remember what comes after it. Learn to put “negatives” in front of “BUT”

6. Maintain eye contact when the other party is sharing. It opens the soul for transparency and shows you are listening

7. Make decisions based on agreement. Always remember not to make decision without having your partner in mind. Even when decision is one-sided, make sure your partner is the 1st one to know about it.

8. Know when to tease and when to appreciate. “Thank you” is often the most neglected words of affirmation for couples who have been dating for a long time. “I feel ….” need to be expressed more by men to make the women feel better.

9. Always offer the benefit of doubt. Every action has a positive intention

10. Concentrate on how you would make your partner feel. Famous saying : “People may forget what you said, or what you did, but they will never forget how you make them feel”. We process information with all our senses

**** You do not need to know everything about a relationship before you have a relationship. Dating is a journey of self discovery aided by a partner.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg_FQEppEFc&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]
By :Andrew Chow, Founder, Table For Six (www.tableforsix.sg)

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest

NTV7 – Interview : 8 types of Relationship which wont Work by Andrew Chow

On 23 Sep, I was back on NTV7 Breakfast Show program to continue part 2 of my 4-part interview on Date Coaching.

The topic is “8 types of Relationship which wont work“. So check if you are in one of them while dating.

This is the introduction of Host Naz and Hassen on 23 Sep

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuWWNdHJhRY&fs=1&hl=en_US]

The actual interview in 2 parts

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDwXMNdr1I&fs=1&hl=en_US]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yObpMWvy3hU&fs=1&hl=en_US]

The workshop material is available on Slideshare

[slideshare id=2972701&doc=8typesofrelationshipswhichwontwork-100122092403-phpapp01]

Summary:

8 Types of Relationship that wont work

Most people put in more time and effort deciding what kind of car or stereo system to buy than deciding whom to have a relationship with.

Many choose the wrong partner and then wonder why their relationship isn’t working.

Whatever religion you believe in, God doesn’t choose your mate for you!

The 3 Deadly Myths about Love

Love myths are beliefs that many of us have about love and romance that actually prevent us from making intelligent love choices

1.       Watching television programs and movies.

2.       Reading romantic novels.

3.       Never taught about love.

Myth #1 : True romantic love conquers all

1.       You wont deal with real relationship problem

2.       You hurt  yourself up emotionally whenever things turn sour

3.       Romance and courtship are not enough to make a relationship work – relationships need compatibility  and  commitment

Myth #2 : You’ll know true love at first sight

1.       You may ignore the rest of the relationship

2.       You may miss the chance for real, lasting love

It takes just a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time

3.       You may become infatuated with just an stranger

Myth #3 : The Perfect partner will fulfill your completely

The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them!

If you feel emotionally empty before you start a relationship, you will feel just as empty even when you are in a relationship!

What are the 8 Types of Relationships That Wont Work?

1.       You care more about your partner than he/she does for you.

2.        You are in love with your partner’s potential

3.       You are on a rescue mission.

People who are on a emotional rescue missions often mistaken sympathy  for love.

The person you choose to love must be someone you can feel respected for, and be proud of who he/she is.

4.       You look up to your partner as a role model

a.       The only way your relationship can work is if you love and appreciate yourself as much as you love and admire him

b.      And your partner must be willing to stop functioning as your mentor.

5.       You are infatuated with your partner for  external reasons

6.       You and your partner are really “ activities buddies”

7.       You choose a partner in order to be rebellious. You act out of compulsion and not out of reason.

8.       Your partner is unavailable

  • Definition of being available  : Free to be in a relationship with you, not involved with anyone else, not married, not engaged, not going steady; not sleeping with another person, alone, single, all yours.

The following are not definitions of available:

  • With someone, but he promises to break up with her soon
  • With someone, but he doesn’t really love her
  • With someone, but she knows about you and it’s all right
  • With someone and he isn’t leaving her, but wants you to stick around anyway.

Stay away from people who are married or in other relationships!

When you get involved with someone who is in a relationship with another person, you are accepting that person’s leftover

Pin ItFollow Me on Pinterest