Ask The Expert : The Date Coach – Andrew Chow

STUDIES have shown that late marriage is a becoming common phenomenon in modern, developed countries. Singapore, Korea, Japan are three of the worst hit countries in Asia, and Malaysia is fast becoming the infamous  4th. The more developed a country, the higher the mean age for marriage. So where do lonely hearts go? Besides the normal channels of finding love through internet and dating agencies, now there is a new opportunity to “fish” for a partner in the high seas at the upcoming Singles Cruise Asia, happening from Dec 6-10.

The five day event organised Casa de Latinos and Scasia Sdn Bhd will take participants from Singapore to Malaysia, Phuket and back with lots of fun activities and social skills workshops to help participants find their love match.

Date Coach Andrew Chow who will be speaking on social and dating skills at the cruise, said this is the first time  they are organising it for singles from 2-3 different countries. “We are confident the content of the programme will give our singles a lot of insight, skills, and knowledge to make more intelligent love decisions in the future.”

Chow who has been a dating coach for five years said it all started in 2005 when he was tasked to manage Singapore government’s campaign – Romancing Singapore. “I see my role not so much as an event organiser, but a life coach to empower people to approach relationship the right way. I was already doing a lot of corporate match making activities like exhibitions and conferences when I started Ideamart in 1994, so doing singles events just require some skills transfer for me.”

Giving frank advice on building lasting relationship, Chow said the golden key is to seek first to understand than be understood, as the qualities of a soul mate involves the connection of Mind, Will and Emotions. “The most importance truth isn’t to “Look for the Right One but Being the Right One.”

It is fair to say one must put in some effort and consistency to succeed in the dating game. Taking time to prepare yourself to be the right person is “sowing”, attracting the right one is the “reaping.” Chow said there is always a time and season for everything, “Start early in life. Meet more people even when you are not actively looking. In certain periods, some things you do will reap more easily than usual. You shouldn’t try too hard, neither should you not try at all. However, do not spend more than 2-3 years on casual dating relationship. If you feel the relationship is going nowhere, it is time to change course.“

Commenting further on the upcoming Single Cruise Asia as an effective platform for singles to meet, Chow said: “Cruise is always associated to romance and wonderful encounters. Imagine spending a few days at high sea with the sun, sand, and surf; the stars and the scent of romance all over like-minded people? With a group of fellow singletons, you get to spend quality time with almost everyone through groups, ice breakers, games, dinners, parties, workshops, etc. It is like having a quality date with so many people over just a few days,

“With an isolated environment and external communication limited, your  focus is on people through different programmes. You get the chance to learn great life skills, self-reflection and networking. It is the best possible hybrid situation of a holiday and social interaction opportunity”.

In this Q&A, we find out why Chow is passionate about helping people find their soul mates, and what are the practical steps they can improve their romantic luck.

Q: Do you believe in love  at first sight?

Chemistry is a must in any relationship even in business. There must be a certain degree of physical attraction to each other. Having said that, you still need to learn to relate, to nurture and to empower each other in every way. Match making events are just a channel. People need to take ownership of their destiny and build on the relationship. The return on investment for love is either zero or infinite. You can’t love without the risk of being hurt. There will be pain as there will be gain. No one is too old to look for love. As long as you know there is someone out there for you, you must keep searching.

Q: If there are many fishes in the ocean, why is it a challenge to find a soul mate?

The abundance of choices make decision making for a life partner difficult. Most people do not have a true objective perception of themselves. When they do not know what they want, they end up wasting time dating the wrong person over extended period of time. Another reason is the concept of comfort zone. Some people say: “When it comes, it comes!” Singles need to be more proactive or nothing much will happen in their social life.

Q: How effective are dating agencies?

There are many experts in our fields coaching singles what to do on dates, how to impress and when to ask the right questions etc. While all these are good, they only help to break the ice and create a good first impression. However, what comes after that? Many of us are not taught how to maintain a good relationship, how to communicate, how to choose a partners, how to help each other with blind spots. Most singles will quit once they experience first sign of conflict in their relationship; and this is usually after the “honeymoon” period where the real deal of a dating relationship sets in.

Q: What are the challenges faced by women in the dating scene?

Women are more motivated to improve and be upgraded in their personal and professional life. It is only natural they want to look for men on par with them. Over the last few decades, women have progressed in their thinking and motivation. Basically, no woman will want a man whom she can’t respect and be submitted to. All of us have a role to play: The role of a man is to rise up to is potential of being the Point-Man, Protector and Provider. The role of a woman is to be the best Cheer-leader, know when to be the woman behind your man and when to be the neck that turns the head.

Q: Name some criteria in finding a right partner.

Find out the person’s character rather than be attracted just to his or her personality; Make sure he or she is someone committed to personal growth; Choose someone who isn’t emotional shut-down; Integrity is importance, even over the smallest thing; Though chemistry is needed for any relationship to work, make sure chemistry isn’t the only thing that you have in common.

For more information about Singles Cruise Asia go to www.singlescruiseasia.com, and to find out more about Andrew visit his website www.andrewchow.sg

.

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Ask The Expert : Andrew Chow, the Date Coach (interview by The New Straits Times) – 23 Oct 2010

[slideshare id=5537059&doc=nst-231010-datecoach-andrewchow-101023060834-phpapp02&type=d]

In conjunction with the Singles Cruise Asia (6-10 Dec 2010), I had an exclusive interview with The New Straits Times about Singles, Dating and Relationship. We discussed the following questions:

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Q: If there are many fishes in the ocean, why is it a challenge to find a soul mate?
Q: How effective are dating agencies?
Q: What are the challenges faced by women in the dating scene?
Q: Name some criteria in finding a right partner.

For more information about Singles Cruise Asia go to www.singlescruiseasia.com, and to find out more about Andrew visit his website at www.tableforsix.sg.

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Dating 101 – An interview with BFM 89.9, the Malaysia Business Radio

On 26 Aug, In celebration of the Singles Cruise Asia on 6-10 Dec, 2010, I was invited to be the guest Speaker for In-Conversation on BFM 89.9 on the topic Dating 101. Listen to the interesting questions posed by Producer Angeline.

http://ideasandrew.podomatic.com/entry/2010-10-08T08_53_39-07_00

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Singles Cruise Asia (6-10 Dec) – Royal Carribean – Legends of the Sea

Below are the program itineraries for Singles Cruise Asia. The Organizer and all the Gurus have designed these programs to enhance and make your Singles Cruise Asia Vacation a memorable and a life changing experience.

Program 1 : Image & Your True Colours by Image Guru, Murshidah Said

Program 2 : The Power Of Releasing by Love Gurus, Heiko & Selina Niedermeyer

Program 3 : How to Attract The Opposite Sex – Male Only – A Male by Birth. But a Man by Choice by Date Coach, Andrew Chow

Program 3 : How to Attract The Opposite Sex – Female Only by Love Guru, Selina Niedermeyer

Program 4 : Get together to Attract The Opposite Sex by Love Guru, Selinar Niedemeyer & Date Coach, Andrew Chow

Program 5 : Brand Yourself and Be Attractive by Image Guru, Murshidah Said

Program 6 : Different stages of dating : Casual, Exclusive & Intimate by Date Coach, Andrew Chow

Program 7 : Harnessing Your Sexuality by Love Gurus, Heiko & Selina Niedermeyer

Program 8 : The Complete Transformation (R&R) – by Love Gurus, Image Guru and Date Coach

Program 9 : Speed Dating- Mix and Match, Meet & Mingle by Date Coach, Andrew Chow

Program 10 : The New You by Image Guru, Murshidah Said

Games :
Game 1 : Ice Breaker – Human Bingo by Timothy Low & Andrew Chow
Game 2 : Dance Workshop by James & Audrey Thum
Game 3 : Locks & Keys by Love Gurus, Image Guru and Date Coach

Theme Dinners :
Day 1 : Angel White Night
Day 2 : Masquerade
Day 4 : Glitzy Celebrity

Come join in the fun and learn together with us! See you on board Singles Cruise Asia 2010!

Book Now! Visit : www.singlescruiseasia.com/singapore
Email : andrew@tableforsix.sg

Information required :

1. Name

2. Passport

3. Expiry date

4. Nationality

5. DOB in full

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NTV7 – Interview : 8 types of Relationship which wont Work by Andrew Chow

On 23 Sep, I was back on NTV7 Breakfast Show program to continue part 2 of my 4-part interview on Date Coaching.

The topic is “8 types of Relationship which wont work“. So check if you are in one of them while dating.

This is the introduction of Host Naz and Hassen on 23 Sep

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuWWNdHJhRY&fs=1&hl=en_US]

The actual interview in 2 parts

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YDwXMNdr1I&fs=1&hl=en_US]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yObpMWvy3hU&fs=1&hl=en_US]

The workshop material is available on Slideshare

[slideshare id=2972701&doc=8typesofrelationshipswhichwontwork-100122092403-phpapp01]

Summary:

8 Types of Relationship that wont work

Most people put in more time and effort deciding what kind of car or stereo system to buy than deciding whom to have a relationship with.

Many choose the wrong partner and then wonder why their relationship isn’t working.

Whatever religion you believe in, God doesn’t choose your mate for you!

The 3 Deadly Myths about Love

Love myths are beliefs that many of us have about love and romance that actually prevent us from making intelligent love choices

1.       Watching television programs and movies.

2.       Reading romantic novels.

3.       Never taught about love.

Myth #1 : True romantic love conquers all

1.       You wont deal with real relationship problem

2.       You hurt  yourself up emotionally whenever things turn sour

3.       Romance and courtship are not enough to make a relationship work – relationships need compatibility  and  commitment

Myth #2 : You’ll know true love at first sight

1.       You may ignore the rest of the relationship

2.       You may miss the chance for real, lasting love

It takes just a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time

3.       You may become infatuated with just an stranger

Myth #3 : The Perfect partner will fulfill your completely

The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them!

If you feel emotionally empty before you start a relationship, you will feel just as empty even when you are in a relationship!

What are the 8 Types of Relationships That Wont Work?

1.       You care more about your partner than he/she does for you.

2.        You are in love with your partner’s potential

3.       You are on a rescue mission.

People who are on a emotional rescue missions often mistaken sympathy  for love.

The person you choose to love must be someone you can feel respected for, and be proud of who he/she is.

4.       You look up to your partner as a role model

a.       The only way your relationship can work is if you love and appreciate yourself as much as you love and admire him

b.      And your partner must be willing to stop functioning as your mentor.

5.       You are infatuated with your partner for  external reasons

6.       You and your partner are really “ activities buddies”

7.       You choose a partner in order to be rebellious. You act out of compulsion and not out of reason.

8.       Your partner is unavailable

  • Definition of being available  : Free to be in a relationship with you, not involved with anyone else, not married, not engaged, not going steady; not sleeping with another person, alone, single, all yours.

The following are not definitions of available:

  • With someone, but he promises to break up with her soon
  • With someone, but he doesn’t really love her
  • With someone, but she knows about you and it’s all right
  • With someone and he isn’t leaving her, but wants you to stick around anyway.

Stay away from people who are married or in other relationships!

When you get involved with someone who is in a relationship with another person, you are accepting that person’s leftover

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Beauties date the beasts (Beauty: Blessing or curse Pt 4)

It seems more common to see beautiful women going out with Average Joes these days. Unfortunately, the reverse doesn’t seem to be happening!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPE6dQ0Fwzo&hl=en_US&fs=1]

The same journalist – Shi Ting posted this on Straitimes.com and amazing it was retweeted almost 30 times within 24 hours.

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Beauty breeds insecurity? (Beauty: Blessing or curse Pt 3)

If your boyfriend or girlfriend looked like a model, it’s easy to feel insecure about them.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lZbt9VW1jA&hl=en_US&fs=1]

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Are You My Type – Single ladies Workshop on Enneagram

The Perfectionist (the One)

Perfectionists are realistic, conscientious, and principled. They strive to live up to their high ideals.

What I Like About Being a One

  • being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal
  • working hard to make the world a better place
  • having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself
  • being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do
  • being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions
  • being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people

What’s Hard About Being a One

  • being disappointed with myself or others when my expectations are not met
  • feeling burdened by too much responsibility
  • thinking that what I do is never good enough
  • not being appreciated for what I do for people
  • being upset because others aren’t trying as hard as I am
  • obsessing about what I did or what I should do
  • being tense, anxious, and taking things too seriously

Ones as Children Often

  • criticize themselves in anticipation of criticism from others
  • refrain from doing things that they think might not come out perfect
  • focus on living up to the expectations of their parents and teachers
  • are very responsible; may assume the role of parent
  • hold back negative emotions (“good children aren’t angry”)

Ones as Parents

  • teach their children responsibility and strong moral values
  • are consistent and fair
  • discipline firmly

How to Get Along with Me

  • Take your share of the responsibility so I don’t end up with all the work.
  • Acknowledge my achievements.
  • I’m hard on myself. Reassure me that I’m fine the way I am.
  • Tell me that you value my advice.
  • Be fair and considerate, as I am.
  • Apologize if you have been un-thoughtful. It will help me to forgive.
  • Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.

The Helper (the Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people’s needs.

What I Like About Being a Two

  • being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
  • knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
  • being generous, caring, and warm
  • being sensitive to and perceptive about others’ feelings
  • being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What’s Hard About Being a Two

  • not being able to say no
  • having low self-esteem
  • feeling drained from overdoing for others
  • not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
  • criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
  • being upset that others don’t tune in to me as much as I tune in to them
  • working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

  • are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
  • try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
  • are outwardly compliant
  • are popular or try to be popular with other children
  • act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
  • are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

  • are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren’t)
  • are often playful with their children
  • wonder: “Am I doing it right?” “Am I giving enough?” “Have I caused irreparable damage?”
  • can become fiercely protective

How to Get Along with Me

  • Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
  • Share fun times with me.
  • Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
  • Let me know that I am important and special to you.
  • Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

The Achiever (the Three)

Achivers are energetic, optimistic, self-assured, and goal oriented.

What I Like About Being a Three

  • being optimistic, friendly, and upbeat
  • providing well for my family
  • being able to recover quickly from setbacks and to charge ahead to the next challenge
  • staying informed, knowing what’s going on
  • being competent and able to get things to work efficiently
  • being able to motivate people

What’s Hard About Being a Three

  • having to put up with inefficiency and incompetence
  • the fear on not being — or of not being seen as — successful
  • comparing myself to people who do things better
  • struggling to hang on to my success
  • putting on facades in order to impress people
  • always being “on.” It’s exhausting.

Threes as Children Often

  • work hard to receive appreciation for their accomplishments
  • are well liked by other children and by adults
  • are among the most capable and responsible children in their class or school
  • are active in school government and clubs or are quietly busy working on their own projects

Threes as Parents

  • are consistent, dependable, and loyal
  • struggle between wanting to spend time with their children and wanting to get more work done
  • expect their children to be responsible and organized

How to Get Along with Me

  • Leave me alone when I am doing my work.
  • Give me honest, but not unduly critical or judgmental, feedback.
  • Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.
  • Don’t burden me with negative emotions.
  • Tell me you like being around me.
  • Tell me when you’re proud of me or my accomplishments.


The Romantic (the Four)

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

What I Like About Being a Four

  • my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
  • my ability to establish warm connections with people
  • admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
  • my creativity, intuition, and sense of humour
  • being unique and being seen as unique by others
  • having aesthetic sensibilities
  • being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What’s Hard About Being a Four

  • experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
  • feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don’t deserve to be loved
  • feeling guilty when I disappoint people
  • feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
  • expecting too much from myself and life
  • fearing being abandoned
  • obsessing over resentments
  • longing for what I don’t have

Fours as Children Often

  • have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s
  • are very sensitive
  • feel that they don’t fit in
  • believe they are missing something that other people have
  • attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
  • become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
  • feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents’ divorce)

Fours as Parents

  • help their children become who they really are
  • support their children’s creativity and originality
  • are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
  • are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
  • are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

How to Get Along with Me

  • Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
  • Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
  • Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
  • Though I don’t always want to be cheered up when I’m feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
  • Don’t tell me I’m too sensitive or that I’m overreacting!

The Observer (the Five)

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

What I Like About Being a Five

  • standing back and viewing life objectively
  • coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
  • my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
  • not being caught up in material possessions and status
  • being calm in a crisis

What’s Hard About Being a Five

  • being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
  • feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
  • being pressured to be with people when I don’t want to be
  • watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

Fives as Children Often

  • spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
  • have a few special friends rather than many
  • are very bright and curious and do well in school
  • have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
  • watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
  • assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
  • are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
  • feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Fives as Parents

  • are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
  • are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
  • may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
  • may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

How to Get Along with Me

  • Be independent, not clingy.
  • Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
  • I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
  • Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
  • Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
  • If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
  • don’t come on like a bulldozer.
  • Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people’s loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

The Questioner (the Six)

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

What I Like About Being a Six

  • being committed and faithful to family and friends
  • being responsible and hardworking
  • being compassionate toward others
  • having intellect and wit
  • being a nonconformist
  • confronting danger bravely
  • being direct and assertive

What’s Hard About Being a Six

  • the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
  • procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
  • fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
  • exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
  • wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
  • being too critical of myself when I haven’t lived up to my expectations

Sixes as Children Often

  • are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
  • are anxious and hyper-vigilant; anticipate danger
  • form a team of “us against them” with a best friend or parent
  • look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
  • are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Sixes as Parents

  • are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
  • are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
  • worry more than most that their children will get hurt
  • sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

How to Get Along with Me

  • Be direct and clear.
  • Listen to me carefully.
  • Don’t judge me for my anxiety.
  • Work things through with me.
  • Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
  • Laugh and make jokes with me.
  • Gently push me toward new experiences.
  • Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

The Adventurer (the Seven)

Adventurers are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

What I Like About Being a Seven

  • being optimistic and not letting life’s troubles get me down
  • being spontaneous and free-spirited
  • being outspoken and outrageous. It’s part of the fun.
  • being generous and trying to make the world a better place
  • having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
  • having such varied interests and abilities

What’s Hard About Being a Seven

  • not having enough time to do all the things I want
  • not completing things I start
  • not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
  • having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
  • feeling confined when I’m in a one-to-one relationship

Sevens as Children Often

  • are action oriented and adventuresome
  • drum up excitement
  • prefer being with other children to being alone
  • finesse their way around adults
  • dream of the freedom they’ll have when they grow up

Sevens as Parents

  • are often enthusiastic and generous
  • want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
  • may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

How to Get Along with Me

  • Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
  • Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
  • Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
  • Don’t try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
  • Be responsible for yourself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
  • Don’t tell me what to do.


The Asserter (the Eight)

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

What I Like About Being a Eight

  • being independent and self-reliant
  • being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
  • being courageous, straightforward, and honest
  • getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
  • supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
  • upholding just causes

What’s Hard About Being a Eight

  • overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don’t intend to
  • being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence
  • sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
  • never forgetting injuries or injustices
  • putting too much pressure on myself
  • getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when things don’t go right

Eights as Children Often

  • are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
  • are sometimes loners
  • seize control so they won’t be controlled
  • fugure out others’ weaknesses
  • attack verbally or physically when provoked
  • take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Eights as Parents

  • are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
  • are sometimes overprotective
  • can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

How to Get Along with Me

  • Stand up for yourself… and me.
  • Be confident, strong, and direct.
  • Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust.
  • Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
  • Give me space to be alone.
  • Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me.
  • I often speak in an assertive way. Don’t automatically assume it’s a personal attack.
  • When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that’s just the way I am.


The Peacemaker (the Nine)

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

What I Like About Being a Nine

  • being nonjudgmental and accepting
  • caring for and being concerned about others
  • being able to relax and have a good time
  • knowing that most people enjoy my company; I’m easy to be around
  • my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
  • my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
  • being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What’s Hard About Being a Nine

  • being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
  • being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
  • being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
  • being confused about what I really want
  • caring too much about what others will think of me
  • not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often

  • feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
  • tune out a lot, especially when others argue
  • are “good” children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents

  • are supportive, kind, and warm
  • are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

How to Get Along with Me

  • If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don’t like expectations or pressure.
  • I like to listen and to be of service, but don’t take advantage of this.
  • Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
  • Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It’s OK to nudge me gently and non-judgmentally.
  • Ask me questions to help me get clear.
  • Tell me when you like how I look. I’m not averse to flattery.
  • Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
  • I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
  • Let me know you like what I’ve done or said.
  • Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

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